don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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