He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
