So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
