i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
