You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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