Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
