I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
