meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
