just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
