I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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