i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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