Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
