Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just forgot I was standing up.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
