Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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