he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
