dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
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We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize