cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
