She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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