Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Randomize
