I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's shark week go big or go home
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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