you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have already put on my inside pants.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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