I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
