I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
