This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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