Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
