Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
