i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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