my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
