i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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