UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
