Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
