I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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