Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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