found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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