Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
