does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
