Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
