I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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