I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Randomize
