omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
