Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
