happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
