your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
