omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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