How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
