What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
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3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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