I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
