I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Who put my cat in the fridge?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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