Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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