i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
