plz talk dirty to me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
