'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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