my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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