five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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