I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
