I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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