im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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