i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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