i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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