I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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