I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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