ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
