guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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