the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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