My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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