Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
