i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
