even my farts smell like vagina
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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