one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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