I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
