it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
