For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
