i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
